Hello. 

This is my second shot at having a blog. I might regret it sooner or later but I think I'm gonna try and write most of the things that surprise and upset me. I think that I will mostly write down the things that upset me, because by this time of my life, everything is really difficult and all I need is to get all of the things inside my head into a place no one is ever going to read. Or at least no one I wouldn't want to. 

My name is Marta, and I am turning 21 years old next month. I think age is something humans created, because think about it, what is, in fact, age? Nothing. I can say I am a really overthinker. I overthink everything, and that makes me crazy. Yes, crazy. I am crazy. I am also a negative person, something I've been fighting with for a very long time, as well as my self hatred. Everything is really hard at the moment. I came out to my parents 8 months ago, and until now I think my family bonds are not the same. My family really disappointed me. I think that kinda speaks for itself. My aunt died last year, a month after my birthday. She was my best friend. But sometimes, I think it was better off this way. Now she can't see how much of a sad person I've became. She had been fighting breast cancer for 8 years, I suppose. She was everything I want to be. A positive happy person, who had so much life, even when she knew life wouldn't be there much longer. She always believed and never gave up. Until the very end. I am on my final nursing degree's year, and thank goodness for that. I wouldn't take it much longer. Maybe because I'm afraid people will have a bad, or sad effect on me because of who I am. Since my first year, all I wanted to do was to take care of dying patients or cancer patients, as in an oncology department. That would be great. I'd love to help or just to talk to those people. I think I want to work there because I feel, as a person, I have so much more to learn about life. And they're the only ones who can help me, because I think they're the only ones I can hear. Not because they're dying, but because they know what it's like. Life. They see it clearly now. And that's kinda fascinating, in a way. Morbid in another. So I guess that's it, this is me. Sometimes happy, sometimes very sad. And sometimes, you just need to get it all out. Even if people won't watch out for you. 

Love and hugs,

Marta